Chapter 2

I dialled James' number. I honestly have no idea where he would be on a random day. He's all over the place these days, Jju would know for sure because he was close to James as well. The phone rang a few times before his voice mail kicked in . So I dialled it again. After my third try, he finally picked up. 

'Allo?' He answered, voice groggy from sleep. 

"James, I need your help." 

"Huh? Who is this?" He asked, irritated. 

"James, it's me. Get the fuck up, I need your help."

"Keonho? 'the hell did you do now?!"

"No, James. It's Martin," I'm panting, frustrated because I can't get my hand around someone's throat and my anger was almost to its limits. "It's Jju, he's in trouble."

I heard rustling from the other line, then a muffled curse. It sounded like he dropped the phone, then more rustling. 

"Why didn't you say that to begin with?!" He yelled, angry for some odd reason. "Fuck, I stubbed my toe. It hurt!"

"Jesus, when would I have the time? You literally just picked up my call." I said with gritted teeth. Sometimes, I felt like none of us has grown. Still a bunch of kids who couldn't control their emotions. I blew a breath so he could hear me clearly this time.  "He's missing, James. He's missing and I'm so fucking all over the map I don't know what to do first."

It got really quiet on his end. Second only to me, I know James would be hit hard should anything happen to Jju. They were roommates for the longest time. Admittedly, there were days when I grew jealous of their closeness and for some reason, Jju could tell when I was. And as much as I'd hate to admit it, I used to pretend I was jealous. Because once he sensed that I was, Jju, almost always would shower me with his attention. It was his way of pacifying me. Shamelessly, and because I was a bastard, I used it to my advantage. I'm selfish, you see, and very possessive of Jju. 

"What do you mean? I talked to him..." He stopped. As if trying to remember the last time they spoke. "God, I can't even remember the last time I talked to him. What the fuck?" He was hyperventilating. "What do you mean he's missing?"

"I have no time to explain it to you now. I need you to get some people together and help me find him. Pick up Eom and Anh from wherever the fuck they are and come to Seoul." The elevator finally came, so I walked straight in. It took me directly to the lobby. 

My heart was still beating triple time and I wanted to scream, if only to relieve the pressure that I felt inside of me. It was thudding so loud, it felt like I was underwater and in space at the same time. I could barely hear James talking to himself on the line. 

"Fuck, okay. I haven't had any sleep. I just got back from the States and I was trying to catch some zees. I'm in Seoul, so give me an hour or two." I heard the door closed from his end, then the sound of water. 

"Where are you going now?" He asked, which echoed as he was in his cavernous bathroom. 

"I'm going to the penthouse to check on his cat. He's been missing for a week, so the cat is probably missing his dad."

"Okay, keep me posted. When you say, 'guys', what do you mean?"

"James, we need hired hands, the kind that are able to keep secrets and would know where to dispose of a body, because I'm telling you now that I might murder someone once we find them. We also need a discreet doctor, so prepare to spend some money." 

"Fuck. What kind of trouble is he in? And what do you mean, 'them'? Who the fuck are them?" I liked that he didn't even flinch. As far as I could tell, James was a legit business man. But I also knew that money spoke a language that only those who needed them would understand. 

I paused when I reached my car and leaned on it for support. "Like I said, I'll tell you and the others later. I'm not going to repeat the sordid tale all over again, so get going and do your thing. "  

"But James," my voice cracked. "Our Jju has been hiding so much and I'm so fucking angry at him." I sniffed, tearing up again. "Anyway, I'll wait for you guys at the penthouse. You still have the codes, right?"

"Yeah, okay. But did you tell his parents yet?"

"No, not yet. I just wanted to check on Frost. I know he's being fed, but I want to make sure he's okay, anyway. " I started moving again, more urgently this time. "I have to go. I'll call them once we find Jju. I don't want to have to give them reasons to worry if I can avoid it." I got in the car and started it. But before I hung up on James, I gave him a warning. 

"And James, prepare yourself. He might not be in good physical condition when we find him, and keep trying to get a hold of him, please." 

He cursed. 

Then I hung up and sped through the streets of Seoul. 

___________________

Jju's building was well guarded. It's a high rise smacked dab in the middle of Cheongdam-dong. He gave the codes to his penthouse to everyone, and our names were registered at the concierge. I've been to his place many times before but because I was in the middle of writing and recording music, I've not visited in a while. 

I nodded to the valet and handed him my key fob. The building is a combination of old world and modern design. It's so Jju. He's always been an old soul but his taste for architecture and design tended to favour contemporary. 

"Good morning, Mr. Edwards." The concierge greeted me. "How are you today?"

"Great, thanks. Do you know if Mr. Kim is around?" I'd hoped that he was busy writing or doing prep work for a movie project to pick up our calls. But, again. That wouldn't make any sense because Jju has never been unreliable like that. He would always pick up our call. 

"Actually, I'm glad you're here," he said. "Let me get his mail and packages. He hasn't been by and his mail has piled up." He left his station at the front desk and entered the door to the back office. 

I deflated when he confirmed his absence. 

"We normally don't hold on to residents' mail but his mail box was full, so we had to empty it out. He hasn't stopped by for a few days. Otherwise, we would've given them to him." He handed me a couple of Fedex boxes, a few large envelopes, and a handful of mail. "Would that be okay with you?" 

"Of course," I said. Shifting the boxes so they don't end up on the floor. "But tell me, when did you see him last?"

"Well, he came with his cat a week ago on Sunday, then he left with Mr. Lee the following Tuesday. I haven't seen him since, but I'm usually not here in the evenings, so we may have missed each other at some point."

"Okay, thanks. I'll bring these up." I left without waiting for his reply, then headed to the elevators. 

I was trembling and on the verge of hyperventilating. More than anything, I'm not ready to face the possibility that he was harmed. I would most likely end up in prison for killing someone because the second I get a hold of that bastard, there would be no ifs about it. I will kill him. 

The elevator door opened directly to his living room, it was a penthouse after all. Immediately,  I could hear mewling, so I called out to the cat. I set down his mail on the table by the foyer. 

As soon as he heard my voice, he trotted towards me, then jumped straight into my arms. He looked well enough. 

"Hi, baby. Are you doing okay?" I lifted him up to check if he had any injuries. "Do you miss your dad?" He mewed, rather loudly. "Yeah? Me, too. Have you eaten?" I looked around the place, I knew he had a timed automated feeding system, so I was not at all worried that he would die from hunger. However, his water bowl was dry, so he must've been drinking from the toilet bowl. "It's okay, baby. We won't tell your dad you've been drinking from the bowl, okay?" 

I shifted him around my shoulders, his favourite spot. I knew he also fed him wet food, so I went searching in the walk-in pantry. The kitchen was predictably clean, not a dirty dish in the sink. It was stark white, from the cupboards to the heated floors. Stainless steel appliances and a barely used industrial sized stove made up the rest of the equipment. A large island in the centre of the room with a marble top occupied a fairly amount of real estate in the kitchen. Honestly, this room would be the envy of a professional chef. He's hosted us for holiday celebrations here, but he had a provision that we don't bring girlfriends with us unless said girlfriend was well on her way to becoming a fiance. His privacy was tantamount to his identity, so the rest of us made sure we adhered by the rules. 

His pantry was a perfectionist's dream; every single item has its place, tins arranged alphabetically, and food containers labelled accordingly. Jju has always been a neat person, even when we used to live in the dorms, his side of the bedroom that he shared with James was always clean. He was always exhausted when we used to be a group, emotionally and mentally most especially. It was the constant and aggressive social interactions, plus living with four rambunctious people drained him more than the rigorous schedule. Somehow, he survived it and had still kept his doors open to all of us. When the company gave us the go ahead to go and pursue our individual interests, there was never any question that he would leave and set forth on his own. He chose a career that would generally keep him behind the scenes, as well, being a writer made his solitary life ideal. 

In the pantry, Frost's food occupied its own shelf, so I grabbed one of the tins to feed him. Once I opened the tin, I grabbed the bowl specifically for feeding his wet food. I watched Jju enough times to know that his dry food and wet food go in two different bowls. I set Frost down on the counter with his food. Something that I couldn't do if Jju was around. 

"We also won't tell dad that I'm letting you eat on the counter, okay?" He ignored me and happily ate his food. 

In the meantime, I checked the fridge for milk. There was barely anything of substance in there. Just a couple of take out containers which smelt rank, so I disposed of it before I grabbed the milk. There was also a pitcher of cold plum tea that he loved so much. Upon inspection, the milk hasn't expired yet, so I poured some for Frost. 

When he was done eating, he jumped down and started doing that figure eight thing in between my legs. Jju told me that cats do that to show someone they're grateful, or they trust and love you. So I picked him again. "You're welcome, buddy." I hugged him to my chest, nuzzled his fur. The tears started welling up again. "I love you, too. We'll bring your dad home, okay?"

I walked around the place with Frost in my arms. Jju loves big and airy spaces, and that was evident when he chose this place. His building was tall enough that no one could see from the outside, so he opted not to have any window coverings. I stood in front of one of the big windows and looked out. Seoul was bright, not a cloud in the sky. I remember when he brought me here to ask for my opinion on the place after he moved in. We stood in the same place where I was standing. 

"What do you think?" He asked. His thin shoulders brushed up against my arm. All through the years, Jju's slim figure remained the same. He still ate like he couldn't give a fuck about diets, snacked often, worked out often. No matter what he did, he couldn't gain an ounce of weight even if he had a steady diet of pork belly everyday. 

"It's pretty big, for one person." I said as I scanned the view below. The place had four bedrooms; one  had two queen beds, with en suite full baths in each. He had a sunken living room big enough to have a grand piano in a corner and an L-shape couch that can seat twenty people. There was also a formal dining room and a massive loft library that doubled as his office. Other than that, the place was decorated with minimalism in mind; contemporary furniture with clean lines without being aesthetically harsh. 

He chuckled. "I've never been just one person." I could feel him looking at me at my periphery. "You're all barging into my life constantly, like I'm your only friend in the world. Even James, who travels everywhere and has his own place in Seoul yet, he still stays here from time to time." 

"Is that why you chose one with it all the bedrooms?" 

"Well, yes. I'm too old to be sharing bedrooms with any of you again." He laughed. As I thought about it, we were all drawn to him not just because he offered us serenity in our otherwise chaotic chosen careers, but we also tried to ensure he would not forget that we would always be around should he needed us.

I looked at him then. Sean used to tease him about his eyes and how they disappear into slits when he laughed. He said he looked like he has four eyebrows, and over the years, he hasn't lost it. Jju's skin was still flawless, unblemished like a freshly polished porcelain. Though there were faint laugh lines around his mouth, and crow's feet by his eyes. We've aged, sure, but Jju still looked ethereal to me. The same urge to touch him whenever he's near didn't dissipate with time. Truthfully, I've been smitten with him for years. It started off as friendly, aided by close proximity then in time, it evolved into something different. All I know was that I could not imagine a life without him in it. I've been a coward; I couldn't, wouldn't risk his friendship for whatever I felt for him.  

"Does that mean I can come here whenever I want?' I teased him. 

He stared at me then, the smile never faded from his lips. "It's not like I can stop you or anything. Besides," he said, lightly bumping my side with his shoulder, "my cat loves you."

"Yeah, that's weird, right? Literally no animals I've ever been in contact with ever warmed up to me." 

We laughed, the sound of his laughter has always been my favourite. It came in spurts, intermittent. Sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, not a guffaw but joyful all the same. 

Just then, the elevator door opened in the suite. In came James with Eom and Anh. I turned to them, they were all in different states of rushed disarray. James' eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep; Keonho's wrinkled white long sleeved shirt was un-tucked, his black blazer folded on his elbow. I knew Sean was in town because we were collaborating on producing another artist's album. He looked like he just finished working out, so his hair was wet and slicked back. 

"Okay, what's happening? What do you mean Jju's in trouble?" Keonho spoke first, which prompted a low growl from Frost. So I stroked his fur and placed him around my shoulders to calm him down a little. 

"Stupid cat," Keonho whispered under his breath, which earned him a dirty look from me. 

"Anybody want coffee? Jju bought my favourite, but I can make anything." Seonghyeon ignored us all and proceeded to the kitchen. James plopped down on the couch, tired still but somehow alert. He hasn't said a word, which was probably a good idea. I wasn't going to speak until everyone was seated and had my full attention. 

Once Seonghyeon and Keonho were finally sat, I gently pulled Frost from my shoulders and sat him on my lap. Still had no clue how to start the conversation. James looked absolutely exhausted, but I could feel his thrumming energy. Sean sipped loudly, while Keonho typed vigorously on his phone. 

I cleared my throat and they all looked at me. "Did you all know if Jju was ever in a relationship through the years?"

To my shock, Keonho replied. "Yes, of course." Sean glared at him. As if it was a big secret I wasn't privy to. 

James let out a frustrated sigh. "Dammit," he cursed, sitting up from his position. 

I wanted to vomit, anger clouding my vision. "You all knew and no one told me?" I growled. 

"We-well," Keonho stammered. "Jju wasn't really specific about with whom. He just mentioned them in passing and it wasn't like we were introduced or anything..." He continued, the last part was said lowly. 

"How come nobody told me?!" I yelled, startling Frost enough that he jumped from my lap to James. 

"Shh shh, it's okay, Frost. It's okay, he's not mad at you." James whispered, pacifying Frost. 

"I think," Sean started. "We should talk about Jju's relationships, past or present later. Let's focus on the here and the now first." 

I blew a deep breath. Sean was right. There's no time for this bullshit. I'd have to postpone scrutinizing the revelation later. 

"Then are you all familiar with someone named, Lee Seong-je?" 

I looked at them, waiting for their response. 

"Didn't he work with him or something?" James asked. 

I'm angry again, my face reddened. So angry that tears slipped out. I can't believe he let me come to him time and time again with my stupid problems, yet he couldn't even confide in me about his life. Was I really that insignificant in his life? I've never felt such betrayal, but I refused to be selfish at that moment. Jju's life was possibly hanging in a balance, so I needed to focus. 

"Well, Ji-ho claimed that he was once a friend, then turned into lover. They broke up some time because he was an abusive bastard. Now, he thinks that Seong-je has him somewhere. He could be badly hurt, so we need to find him before we run out of time."

No one said a word, but James immediately fished out his phone, then pressed a bunch of numbers. 

"Yes, give me every known addresses for a 'Lee Seong-je'," he talked briskly on the phone. James has connections and knows the right people, so I'm glad he's on our side. Otherwise, I wouldn't even know where to begin. 

Which reminded of the slip of paper containing an address. I dug it out of my pocket and handed it to James. He was still on the phone so he quirked his right eyebrow in question. 

"Ji-ho got this address from the agency. Can you send someone there right now? I wanted to make sure Frost was okay first before I go to this location."

He nodded, then hung up, only to dial another number, calling another person. "Hey, I have an address for you. Send a couple of your guys there right now and call me back immediately." He hung up, slouched back on the couch and continued stroking Frost's fur. 

"So, how long have you all known?" I asked after a few beats of silence. 

No said a word, they all took turns evading my gaze. 

"Look, man. It wasn't our place to say anything. We all thought you two were close enough to talk about this shit. We don't know what his reasons were for not telling you," he said, then lifted Frost's face and gave him a kiss. "Only he can tell you that." 

"But you all knew about his relationships and didn't fucking tell me? What the fuck?!" I yelled, angry, frustrated. Betrayed.  

Angrily, Sean put down his cup with a clatter. "Why the fuck would you be mad at us?! Why don't you do a little self reflection and ask yourself why he would hide this from you?" 

I closed my eyes, decided that it was something to examine later. "I have to gather Frost's things," I said quietly. "I'll drop him off with Ji-ho so we can all figure out the next steps."

Then I walked down the hallway to Jju's bedroom. I needed to be around his things somehow even though I'm so furious with him I couldn't see straight.  The urge to hurl things against the wall was all consuming, but I'm being honest with myself, I knew exactly why he would hide his relationships, past or present, from me. 

It was my fault, after all.